They found me
as I was leaning
against the uneven
bark of a sycamore
trying to satisfy
an itch
or maybe nothing
more than resting.
And they said,
Have you read
Scripture, do you know
Jesus Christ
as your personal
savior? They stood
as still as the sun,
naked in expectancy
as Adam and Eve,
the billowing green
hills rolling toward us
swaying and restless,
offering up the wild
jonquils in praise,
a vaulting ocean
blue sky heavy
with the scent
of dogwood
blossoms
and chimes
from a church
near to us,
remembering
the hour.
What I said was
nothing.
7 comments:
The second stanza is dazzling. I was also struck at the visual of the letters as it grows wider until
hills rolling towards us
and then the next six lines all lose one space. I assume that was not intentional, but it was part of the pleasure of reading it. Then I hit the dogwood blossom wall and the spell was broken a bit.
Thanks very much, Steve. I agree with you and tried to fix it. See what you think...
Hmm, ideally the visual image of the poem - if it is out of the ordinary - should somehow mirror the content. And to the extent that you are moving to 'nothing' that would fit. But you'd have to cut out a bit to make that fit.
of dogwood
blossoms.
My reply:
nothing.
This doesn't quite work either.
PB I really like this. I cant really offer much in the way of suggestions for you. The only thing that caught my eye was the word “towards” about half way through the second stanza. Should it be towards, or toward? Not sure.
Powerful ending too.
Very nice work. I haven’t seen much from you lately.
I really appreciate the input, guys. I wasn't quite sure if this one was worth even posting. It's nice to know it has some merit despite what I think. LOL
Steve M., thanks for catching that typo. You were right of course, the word should have been toward.
I've been spending my time on developing some new short stories instead of poems. I think I needed a break from poetry. I'll start posting the stories soon. Maybe later today even. Thanks very much.
I look forward to your stories but I hope you dont take too much time off from poetry!
Thanks, Steve. Don't worry, I've actually got a new poem rolling around in my brain right now. LOL I can never stay away too long.
If you'd like a sneak peek at the newest story, you'll find it in The Story Tellers at the Global Café. For those who haven't picked up their invitations yet, you need to do that. If you didn't get your then just email me and I'll fix it. adams.pb@gmail.com
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