Hey tiger, again, sorry it has taken me so long to get back to these. I’m traveling right now so I haven’t had too much free time lately.
Do you need the “and” that starts the last stanza? It sounds good as it is, but it seems to stick out from the first two stanzas. Don’t know, dropping it would change the cadence and it could be just me.
Maybe I'm just in a rotten mood, it is possible, but "We speak in hushed tones", just doesn't seem worth of Tiger somehow. Of course, hushed tones is a bit overused. Could be just me naturally but I expect something with more visual impact from Mr. Tiger. :D
I agree with Steve about "radio slowly spill static" only I think you meant "spills" for agreement with "radio".
Gee, I'm so helpful today! I hope you can find something useful here my friend and just ignore what isn't!
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3 comments:
Hey tiger, again, sorry it has taken me so long to get back to these. I’m traveling right now so I haven’t had too much free time lately.
Do you need the “and” that starts the last stanza? It sounds good as it is, but it seems to stick out from the first two stanzas. Don’t know, dropping it would change the cadence and it could be just me.
This is good: “Radio slowly spill static.”
Very nice work.
thanks Steve. I didn't pick up on the "and" in the last stanza, it works a lot better without it, tying in much better with the entire piece.
Maybe I'm just in a rotten mood, it is possible, but "We speak in hushed tones", just doesn't seem worth of Tiger somehow. Of course, hushed tones is a bit overused. Could be just me naturally but I expect something with more visual impact from Mr. Tiger. :D
I agree with Steve about "radio slowly spill static" only I think you meant "spills" for agreement with "radio".
Gee, I'm so helpful today! I hope you can find something useful here my friend and just ignore what isn't!
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