I decided to hold off submitting a few of my recent poems for fear of swamping this site with my work. That means that I can stretch my poetry out. I have a little book that I write my poems in. I keep this book with me at all times, in my back pocket, and I jot down my musing when I am in a queue or before I go to bed. It has forced me to write a lot more. Anyways here it is:
Rain
Catching the forecast,
we watch the weather,
waiting for a sign
to ease our deja vu.
We fasten our coats
posthumously on the door
the aspirations draining
minutely in droplets.
We bear our companion
constant on our sleeves,
deep in the compartment
of a shoe, in the fibres of
damp old cords.
If the weather could speak
over a loud "achoo!"
or above a raspy cough
it would talk in some
foreign tongue, inviting
a translator to interpret
the long lash, the gentle
downpour of rain.
5 comments:
Wow, this is a long one Tiger.
I like these two lines:
the aspirations draining
minutely in droplets.
Love this stanza; this is really good writing:
We bear our companion
constant on our sleeves,
deep in the compartment
of a shoe, in the fibres of
damp old cords.
In the last stanza, second to last line, I wonder if another word besides gentle? Perhaps quiet, or silent? Not sure.
That’s about all I can say right now. Nice work.
Sorry I haven’t been around much lately, but I’ve been out of town quite a bit which has kept me pretty busy.
Keeping a book with you at all times; what a great idea. I’m glad you mentioned that as I should try it.
tiger, i really like the fact that this is a bit of a departure for you. still has the tigerlike images but i enjoyed a longer one with all the tension still present. I especially liked the lines, "...in the fibres of / damp old cords". i just love this concept...one part i questioned a little was the second stanza. "We fasten our coats". maybe it is a cultural/linguistic difference, but when i think "fasten" in conjunction with "coat", i think buttoning it up, not hanging it...but maybe this is what you are going for...yeah. so, nice work!
Thanks Steve and LO for your comments. Yes, it is a bit of a departure for me but the rain was getting me down recently so it was like a rant. Long rants are better than short ones :P I think I'll give it a look over again. The word fasten might not work in its context and Steve like you said, maybe gentle could be replaced with another word. Thanks for looking.
Well, now I know where my muse went! The little minx must have flown off to Ireland. LOLOL
Just kidding (mostly). This is a gorgeous piece of work, my friend. Excellent word choices, tone, movement, and the perfect ending as well. Cheers!
Haha! Yes, I have captured your little minx and no sign of letting it go just yet! Good to hear that you liked it PB.
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