It’s rained ice for days
and the sea is white and static.
Ahead lights signal in the distance,
relaying messages from voyagers,
lost centuries ago, who rounded land
uncertain, meeting winds head on,
sailing southwards into snowy skies
and icy dark seas.
4 comments:
I would have to say this one is painterly but I do want to quarrel with "icy dark seas"...I suspect you can do better that that ending. Or maybe I'm just a greedy old bear.
I like the tantalizing hints in this one and the fact they leave us hanging a bit. Entirely appropriate if you ask me. Well done!
Hello pb. Thanks for your kind words. I agree with your quarrel I had the same difficulty with that last line. I think any time the word 'dark' is used it's for the most part meaningless or just too easy of an image to create.
I do think the idea of an 'icy dark sea' is a good one but it's up to me, the poet, to explain the iciness and the darkness better. Perhaps I can do this by using a better image or by touching on sight and sound.
I think the word I might be hunting for is 'blind'. 'icy blind sea'. Something like that. I'll continue on in my hunt for words. Cheers.
Hmm. I wonder if something more like "forgetful" or "amnesiac" might be more to the point...or maybe I'm missing the point. Not sure.
No, Pb I don't think you're missing the point. I think those two words you mentioned is more along the path that the poem is wishing to take. I just haven't been as attentive as I should be.
I'm going to have another little think about it.
Cheers for the comment, helpful as always.
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