Plant three different varieties of carrots,
a bean row, a couple of marrows,
rooting potatoes, cucumbers and leeks.
Light plays tricks on red brick.
The sunrise: pink as a cherry blossom.
Wind rustles leaves. Stand guard. Watch the weather.
5 comments:
I like this one too. I've been working on a new book that I'm tentatively titling, "Sketchbook" but I'm positive you've got me beat at the form...maybe time I start thinking of a new title. LOL
This one strikes me as being particularly Irish somehow and that I consider a plus. Nice word choice, rural yet painterly. "Watch the weather" seems especially fitting in these days of super cells and the like too...do you get tornadoes over there too? oO
I'm motoring away with my poetry and it's good to be busy creating. I sure hope I haven't stolen your muse, that would be very unfriendly of me!
We're very lucky in Ireland that we don't get tornadoes. :) The line: 'watch the weather' can apply to any type of weather. I didn't want to spell out the weather. In my case I'm watching out for frost, which can hit even in summer or looking out for hail and flooding.
I should also be looking out for slugs.
Hi, let's see if Hungry Writers recognizes my normal Google account.
Tiger, A couple of reactions.
1. I've got some seedlings still inside, though perennials are starting to poke out here in Alaska. So this one definitely talks to me.
2. I had to look up marrow to find out it was a squash. (an observation, not a critique. It's a great word.)
3a. There are two different uses of verbs here. The command - Plant, Stand Guard, and Watch - aimed at the gardener. But "light plays tricks" and "wind rustles." Sunrise has no verb at all. I'm wondering if there was some underlying message of the changing verb forms or if being more consistent would improve the poem.
3b. I understand the general advice to gardeners to watch out for weather. But the Plant command is awfully specific. Who is being told to plant all this? When I first read it I was wondering if "Planted" might not work better.
4. I like the image of the sun on the bricks, but didn't know how it fit in. After thinking I'm guessing the garden patch might be up against a brick wall. Maybe that's obvious to someone in Ireland.
4. Wind is definitely weather. Sun affects weather. But when I first read the poem I didn't see them as leading to the weather warning.
I haven't been here a while, so you perhaps were not expecting to get so much detailed comment. Sorry. I mean it well. AKSteve (I think that was my name here.)
Hi Steve. No need to apologise as a lot of what you said confirms the problems I've with it. The more detailed the merrier.
Where I live there are lots of gardens or allotments with walls in the back so I was trying to work this into my poem.
It's quite jarring and inconsistent when I'm talking about planting and then the weather. With two different voices trying to break through. The images of weather are fine but could be used in a different poem. Perhaps to be able to talk about weather the narrative and perspective would have to change.
The poem is supposed to be about planting vegetables then watching over it, as a sort of protector. Somewhere it lost its focus.
Here's another attempt at it:
Garden
Yesterday I planted three varieties of carrots,
a bean row, a couple of marrows,
rooting potatoes, courgettes and leeks.
I shook the dirt off my trouser legs,
stood on watch, careful not to stir
or make a sound as light skirted over furrows of earth
and a gentle rain began to fall.
Much better now. I like the shaking of the dirt from the trousers a lot.
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