They say sleep is the best medicine,
I do not know, my mind makes small
talk with wild river rapids, my thoughts
take me to a little garden filled with pink blossoms.
I wait for moon to rise,
for stars to smile down
and sing to my dreams.
My sleep is restless,
a little bit of paranoia sweeps the air,
continents shine under starlight, while
past generations look on and gaze down
on worried souls who struggle to dream in sleep.
1 comment:
Except for that first line, (I have a personal rule about truisms, if you use one then you need to blow it to bits with the very next line, you needn't follow my rule of course) I like where the first two stanzas are going here. I like the little triplet stanza between the two larger ones too. I can certainly identify with the sentiment that sleep doesn't always seem the best medicine to a troubled soul. I just don't know what to tell you about that opening. There should be a very original way you can begin this. I think what follows is worth it.
About the last stanza, I want it to begin with something more stirring than "my sleep is restless". Maybe even:
A little paranoia stirs the air,
unsettles my breath, my rest
eludes me. Meanwhile continents shine
under starlight as lost generations watch
over our worried souls who struggle
to dream in sleep.
Good stuff, Tiger. Just wants a bit of tidying up. Thanks.
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