It was that subtle change in motion
or maybe the sound that woke me up
as we drilled through Whitehall Tunnel, my mind
had been back on Savage River
casting a deer hair may fly imitation
that I bought at Naylor’s Hardware
the other day.
A buck twenty
- the brook trout loved it.
The conductor bumped his way down the aisle
“Connellsville in twenty minutes” he said. A frayed
cuff on his jacket sleeve stuck out as
he steadied a hand on the overhead bin.
I leaned into the aisle and looked
after he went by as I thought I noticed
a slight limp in his walk.
4 comments:
I like this one. Lots of action and some nice bit of extra information like about the fly fishing. It makes me relate to those journeys where my mind starts wandering and i try to think of think of things to keep me busy.
Overall very well done, though I have to admit the last stanza seems a little confusing: 'I leaned into the aisle and looked
after he went by as ' Maybe it could be cleaned up a little so it could read a little clearer. Other than that no complaints. Thanks
I can only echo what Tiger's said, Steve. Really fine stuff. And also so much fun to realize what you're really describing. It reminds me much of Joyce, the stream consciousness happening.
The drilling through the tunnel made me think instantly of mining when I first read the line but of course your title brought me back on track (forgive the pun). Bravo. :)
Glad you both liked it. Yes Tiger, I also thought the last stanza is a little weak and still needs work...but sometimes you get to that point where its time to just throw it out there and get away from it for a bit : )
I keep on coming back to this one. It reminds me a lot of Frost's voice. Don't worry too much about the ending maybe it is just me. However, I do think you should give yourself a little round of applause. It is a piece of poetry I'd be proud to call my own. Submit it.
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