Hey tiger, this is good, really good. Exactly what I like to read…short and yet very powerful. It reads well, sounds well and translates the feeling I would expect. I wouldn’t change anything.
tiger, i thought that the second stanza was especially powerful. i love the imagery and the language. the only thing in this poem that does catch me up a little is the line "this fumes of black". i don't really think that this is up to your level...its rather an expected image, and doesn't have as much subtlety as i've come to appreciate with your poem. that being said, it is a rather abrupt stop, so maybe that's what you're going for. nice work!
All works posted here are under the sole and exclusive ownership of the author or artist. Do not reproduce or otherwise copy any work on this site without the expressed written consent of the author or artist.
3 comments:
Hey tiger, this is good, really good. Exactly what I like to read…short and yet very powerful. It reads well, sounds well and translates the feeling I would expect. I wouldn’t change anything.
Thanks.
tiger, i thought that the second stanza was especially powerful. i love the imagery and the language. the only thing in this poem that does catch me up a little is the line "this fumes of black". i don't really think that this is up to your level...its rather an expected image, and doesn't have as much subtlety as i've come to appreciate with your poem. that being said, it is a rather abrupt stop, so maybe that's what you're going for. nice work!
Wow, nothing like being socked in the gut at 2AM. LOL
I can't add a thing here except that you sucker punched me and left me thinking about real tragedies...
Post a Comment