wow. i have to say, tiger, that i am starting to be quite infatuated with short poetry and i think it is due to your influence. i really like this one--i enjoy the rythm of it...especially the lines, "Teasingly it bites/down on bone." it just feels delicious when you read it.
i was wondering, though, about the punctuation. personally i would put either commas at the end of the lines or else capitalize the beginnings--i'd choose one of the two, as it becomes a little distracting with both. but hey, whatever you choose i'm sure is the best way. thanks for this!
Thanks for the heads up LO on the punctuation. I find punctuation quite problematic when it comes to poetry and knowing where to put a comma is at times a lot more difficult than it looks.
I'll have a look over it.
Me influencing someone? lol At least it is a good thing, I think. Just as long as it doesn't put you off reading some of the other poets longer work. Happy you enjoyed it!
I wonder what poet's longer work you were thinking of, mate. :D
The bear is given to verbosity, I know. LOL
This is a nice bit of work, Tiger. My stuff looks like War and freaking Peace next to yours yet you manage to say so bloody much!
Possibly try:
Outside, a breeze blows teasingly it bites down on bone.
Frost-licked trees skeleton stand.
I know skeleton stand sounds wrong but think about it. We speak of a "stand" of trees and that arrangement also sets of the bone comparison more at least in my mind. Finally "skeleton stand" seemed to fit better to me because it's more abrupt sounding. Thanks!
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3 comments:
wow. i have to say, tiger, that i am starting to be quite infatuated with short poetry and i think it is due to your influence. i really like this one--i enjoy the rythm of it...especially the lines, "Teasingly it bites/down on bone." it just feels delicious when you read it.
i was wondering, though, about the punctuation. personally i would put either commas at the end of the lines or else capitalize the beginnings--i'd choose one of the two, as it becomes a little distracting with both. but hey, whatever you choose i'm sure is the best way. thanks for this!
Thanks for the heads up LO on the punctuation. I find punctuation quite problematic when it comes to poetry and knowing where to put a comma is at times a lot more difficult than it looks.
I'll have a look over it.
Me influencing someone? lol At least it is a good thing, I think. Just as long as it doesn't put you off reading some of the other poets longer work. Happy you enjoyed it!
I wonder what poet's longer work you were thinking of, mate. :D
The bear is given to verbosity, I know. LOL
This is a nice bit of work, Tiger. My stuff looks like War and freaking Peace next to yours yet you manage to say so bloody much!
Possibly try:
Outside,
a breeze blows
teasingly it bites
down on bone.
Frost-licked trees
skeleton stand.
I know skeleton stand sounds wrong but think about it. We speak of a "stand" of trees and that arrangement also sets of the bone comparison more at least in my mind. Finally "skeleton stand" seemed to fit better to me because it's more abrupt sounding. Thanks!
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