Hi Tiger, thanks for leaving this. I only had a problem with the verb "scrounge" and a bit of trouble with the last line. Taking the second one first, the question seems more out of left field than you probably intend it to be. Maybe just me but I have no clue what the point is.
The word scrounge just seems too hard a verb there. Maybe it means something different where you are but to me it means hard searching even scratching with the nails. Seems to me that mourners are more likely to supplicate or implore maybe. Or maybe I'm just way off base.
you're right. Scrounge is a bit harsh, a word that might be assoicated with scavenging or something along those lines. Normally you could say: "I'm scrounging for a bit of food." I'll search for another verb, and I'll have another look at the last line.
Thanks for the comment, helpful as always! - tiger
Tiger, I'm having trouble with this poem and probably shouldn't say anything. But since it's been quiet here so long I want to blow on this spark of life in hopes it won't die out completely.
Probably you have some picture of what is happening in this poem that makes sense to you. I think of cemeteries as being away from walls that might have warmth (like houses). So for me, if the widows are against the walls, then the coffins couldn't be underneath - they'd be away from the places that are inhabited.
I may be off base too, but I read this as about the coming of spring and a renewal. The only thing that hung me up was the three “W” words in the first line…I got tongue-tied.
Did you intend “widows” as a transitive verb or noun? It worked either way for me while changing the meaning of the first two lines somewhat.
Thanks everyone for your comments. Much appreciated.
Alaska Steve, I am not sure if I described it good enough but the imagery in the first stanza was that of a wake/funeral. On one level the imagery was of mourners in a house but also after the funeral - that the living can also end up like ghosts.
I was also thinking that a funeral could last a lifetime, with the emotions and feelings that lie embedded in houses long after we die.
While there is a connection with the second stanza it is not taken to mean literally under the feet of mourners. Perhaps that is my fault for not explaining it properly and I blame it on my vague imagery.
Steve you picked up on the second level of the poem and that was more of a connection with nature - spring and a renewal. Well done!
Thanks for your comments, I''ll have to have another look at it and consider your suggestions. Cheers
Wow. I just got round to reading Steve's comments and your response, Tiger. Terrific reading, Steve, really. I think you got right to the core of this and I was just scratching my head.
Tiger, your description of this is beautiful. The idea that funeral can last a lifetime is dead on too. Maybe put a little bit more of this into the piece? I appreciate it so much more now that I've read what you have to say about it that I think it deserves a little wider audience. :)
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6 comments:
Hi Tiger, thanks for leaving this. I only had a problem with the verb "scrounge" and a bit of trouble with the last line. Taking the second one first, the question seems more out of left field than you probably intend it to be. Maybe just me but I have no clue what the point is.
The word scrounge just seems too hard a verb there. Maybe it means something different where you are but to me it means hard searching even scratching with the nails. Seems to me that mourners are more likely to supplicate or implore maybe. Or maybe I'm just way off base.
Nice spare imagery as usual. Thanks again. :)
you're right. Scrounge is a bit harsh, a word that might be assoicated with scavenging or something along those lines. Normally you could say: "I'm scrounging for a bit of food." I'll search for another verb, and I'll have another look at the last line.
Thanks for the comment, helpful as always! - tiger
Tiger, I'm having trouble with this poem and probably shouldn't say anything. But since it's been quiet here so long I want to blow on this spark of life in hopes it won't die out completely.
Probably you have some picture of what is happening in this poem that makes sense to you. I think of cemeteries as being away from walls that might have warmth (like houses). So for me, if the widows are against the walls, then the coffins couldn't be underneath - they'd be away from the places that are inhabited.
Do you have a picture that goes with this?
Tiger,
I may be off base too, but I read this as about the coming of spring and a renewal. The only thing that hung me up was the three “W” words in the first line…I got tongue-tied.
Did you intend “widows” as a transitive verb or noun? It worked either way for me while changing the meaning of the first two lines somewhat.
Very nice.
- Steve
Thanks everyone for your comments. Much appreciated.
Alaska Steve, I am not sure if I described it good enough but the imagery in the first stanza was that of a wake/funeral. On one level the imagery was of mourners in a house but also after the funeral - that the living can also end up like ghosts.
I was also thinking that a funeral could last a lifetime, with the emotions and feelings that lie embedded in houses long after we die.
While there is a connection with the second stanza it is not taken to mean literally under the feet of mourners. Perhaps that is my fault for not explaining it properly and I blame it on my vague imagery.
Steve you picked up on the second level of the poem and that was more of a connection with nature - spring and a renewal. Well done!
Thanks for your comments, I''ll have to have another look at it and consider your suggestions. Cheers
Wow. I just got round to reading Steve's comments and your response, Tiger. Terrific reading, Steve, really. I think you got right to the core of this and I was just scratching my head.
Tiger, your description of this is beautiful. The idea that funeral can last a lifetime is dead on too. Maybe put a little bit more of this into the piece? I appreciate it so much more now that I've read what you have to say about it that I think it deserves a little wider audience. :)
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