Saturday, February 17, 2007
Winter Garden
Woman in winter
poised with aging
tin can over thick
ground, unyielding.
Frost fruits sprout
on her stone path
where the can has left
a little dribble.
One wonders
if the white rose
from water like art
or from cold locked
in paving stone,
north wind,
or February heart–
There is the frozen
possibility of spring
but leaves will not turn
under the weight
of our notice, calendar
days will not advance
and her breath comes
cool as snow in the waiting.
The wind knows
the truth is never
so plain as words
on paper, the letters
torn like petals
scattered by winter
storms seeding frost
fruits in other
winter gardens.
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4 comments:
I wasn't happy with this one so I changed it already. Just thought I'd say that in case anyone read the original already. :)
This takes several readings to notice some of the subtle turns of words and images. I love how you look for the origins of the "frost fruits" in stanzas 3 and 4. I also love the last two stanzas, especially "the letters/torn like petals/scattered by winter..."
The "woman" of the poem definitely feels frosty! There are such beautiful images here, and those are what I appreciate the most about the piece. If you want it to have more emotional impact, more relationship of the speaker to the woman of the poem, you could have the speaker enter into the poem somehow.
But beautiful work...
I like this one, and I see you are shortening each line. I like to see that, as I am all for shorter lines. I hope something of mine has rubbed off you.
The briefness of each line makes the images more fluid and rich.
The voice, however is a bit standoffish, perhaps that is what you are aiming for though, I am not sure. The narrators voice takes away from the piece somewhat distracting the reader from the images and your central character. The sensitivity and emotion of the piece is stunted a bit because of this.
Altogether though, a nice piece. Thanks for this!
-tiger
This is beautiful!!! I thoroughly enjoyed it... the only thing I puzzled over, and that only for a moment, was in the third stanza "white rose" at first i read this as being a white rose rather than the white comming from... even at that the word play is very nice!
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