Shadows sweep across your vast emptiness
like a thick fog easing over a quiet valley,
the cool night air still damp with regret
as a rising sun awaits its turn
to burn another day to dark
while I from the mountain top
stop to find my footing there
at the very edge of your despair
where longings linger in droplets of dew
that slide freely down the tall grass
past knowing and light
into the soft rich earth I watch you go
below the mystery and magic,
deep beneath the memory of me.
6 comments:
Eve, I have to tell you, I sat here reading your poem over a total four times and each time the word, "Wow", escaped my lips. Every time I read this I saw something new, something more. Outstanding piece. I wouldn't change a thing. I hope you are going to send this one to be published soon.
PS That ending really blew me away. Wow.
You are far too kind, but my many thanks. I will say this about the piece. It quite wrote itself. I simply opened the door and let it out. I find that sometimes we get in the way of our work, we want to dress it more warmly or more trendy or require boots when sneakers will do. We are so afraid our children will not be recieved well by others. I remember once as my daughter headed towards the front door, "Put your shoes on." I shouted. "I'm just going to look out the window." she barked back.
Eve, there are images here that are so sharp, so clear. "where longings linger in droplets of dew....into the soft earth" Wow
I've read it a couple of times now and I'm not sure what it is about. One possibility is you are watching a friend/lover being buried (your vast emptiness, damp with regrets, past knowing and light into the soft rich earth I watch you go below).
But I'm not quite sure about:
'to burn another day to dark" I guess it means one more day will end as night, and could be a metaphor for one more life ending
"on the very edge of your despair" well this raises questions about whether 'you' have died. I'd have to got back now and retinterpret everything.
'deep between the memory of me" Trying to figure this one out. Usually between A and B, but you only have A.
The images are rich and evocative and each word carries its full load. Nice job.
Hi Eve,
I too have read this poem several times, and each time I move through it differently.
I love the images working in tandem with the thoughts and feelings--everything seems to flow from one line to the next.
I especially like "where longings linger in droplets of dew that slide freely down the tall grass...." That's a beautiful example of how the imagery and emotions are joined perfectly together.
Even if this one "quite wrote itself," I'm sure you know deeply what the poem is about. I find more than one meaning, as it sounds like others do. And that ending caught in my throat and I had to breathe deep.
Thank you for this.
Steve thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
A part of me (the part that needs to be understood) wants to go into the detail of this poem and explain each sentence, each image so you are left with no questions but the other part of me (the part that needs the reader to find their own understanding) wants to just say thank you and move on.
I will tell you this much: The person this poem is about is quite alive though emotionally past on years ago.
Thank you Gina for your kind response.
When I send a piece out I only hope for two things:
Did the poem cause the reader to want to read it again? (key word, want)
And did the poem evoke an emotional feeling or response? (a clear sign that a poem has served its unltimate purpose)
I am warmed through that the poem has recieved such thoughtful comments.
Thank you very much.
Eve, first let me say beautiful work. Also, I’d say you succeeded with this one…I did want to read it again…and again.
Gina said, she finds more than one meaning, and probably others do also. I suppose it depends on what the reader brings to the table, but when a work is able to do that, it seems to weave itself into one’s memories, highlighting little bits of the past so that the reader is able to become a part of the images. And that is always a good thing.
Thanks for posting this Eve. I enjoyed it.
-Steve
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