My father was always down on cats.
No that thing will not come inside
the house and spray its scent and claw
up the chairs ‘til there’s nothing
left but shreds and cotton remains.
One day the door was cracked
open and I heard a strange
voice on the porch cooing.
I peered through the peep-hole
and saw him with one of the wild
cats that spent nights under the deck
yowling and keeping light sleepers
awake and half asleep the next morning.
Yes, you’re a good kitty such a good
kitty, he whispered and scratched
behind its ears while it lapped
milk from a bowl on his legs.
So that’s it, Father:
Real men do not speak
of love. They create it.
Real men do not write
poetry. They live it.
7 comments:
I think that first line sounds a bit like a thesis statement for an essay. :)
I think you already knew you didn't need that first line. Also, I presume you are the speaker of the first line but then you switch to your dad's voice in the second line with no warning at all so it is momentarily confusing.
It seems to me though, that the real meat of this is in the very last stanza. There's good stuff in that stanza, a stinging shot at an old truth that was never true. I wonder if you can earn that stanza with a little more imagery and less telling though? Perhaps try stripping those first four stanzas down to a few images of father and the stray? I dunno. I do know you'll figure it out though. Thanks, Sam.
PS You should love your children enough to at least name them. Heh I think naming a piece is an essential clue as to the author's true focus or intention so having no name suggests to me there may be no focus or intention. Also, it seems to me that poems will tell you how to write them if you have some sort of a name in mind as you're putting the piece down, at least it works like that for me. Worth a shot though, right?
i love the last stanza. Makes me think - why the feck do I write poetry. the last lines - off the top of my head - 'real men do not write poetry they live it'.
And you know what? If that was all it was I would say yes well done! For me that is all that matters in your poem and all that I remember. Sorry if it sounds a bit stuck up coming from me, but I really do love that part and really it is the main part of the poem that leaves an impression on me. Thanks for sharing this with me ;)
Sam, I like this. Might be some of the cat lover in me though.
Yes, the last stanza is good. I like the way it wraps it all up. But, what I really like is the second to last stanza. I believe that is the one that really shows what is going on here.
Good job.
-Steve
Hi Sam,
Okay, writers tend to not agree on anything.
I like the message of the last stanza, but feel that you are SHOWING that message in the first four stanzas, and do not need to TELL us what you just SHOWED us.
What a wonderful juxtaposition of the opening stanza and the rest. Perhaps if you put the father's remarks in quotes? Maybe it would take away the confusion, although I'm not that confused, really. :)
Nice job.
Thanks for the comments. PB, I'm sure I'll come up with a title for this eventually--something will come to me and that will be that.
As far as the father's remarks, they were originally italicized in the Word document, but when I copied them into blogger, I didn't notice that they had been removed.
Heh Fair enough, Sam. I put the italics in where I thought the father was speaking. Hopefully in the right places.
I have a little idea for the end of this:
Contented wild cat, even empty
crockery spoke more plainly–
Real men do not speak
of love. They create it.
Real men do not write
poetry. They live it.
I'm sure you can fine tune that. Just off the top of my head after reading Gina's comments. I still think that first line sounds like a thesis. :D
Post a Comment