Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Braiding
The child’s hair
is the color of spice
grandfather made
a living by, her eyes
dark as coffee
father sold in the market
everyday, energetic hopeful
eyes that are quiet
darkness now.
You can’t scent
death in the desert,
the air is that dry,
and her picture
in the evening
paper is that dry,
you can’t smell
her place on the corner
of those nameless
broken streets–
but you can taste
the wormwood
bitterness of her days,
the sweet spices spilled
irretrievably amid grains
of sand, the bloodline all
poured out like anointing
oils from a ewer, all lost
irrevocably amid the crude.
Now the child keeps
the mother, her spice
hair attracting a few bold
young ladies. She defies
the wagging fingers,
the unveiled curses
her thin hands resolutely
twining and entwining,
playing hide and seek
among the clove
and cardamom, weaving
through the family
tapestry, reciting Qur’an
under her breath.
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2 comments:
Hey PB, yes I’m still here…holidays are always too busy. It would be nice if they could be more relaxing.
Anyway for Braiding…
These two lines seemed a little awkward:
You can’t scent
death in the desert,
I’m not sure about “wormwood”; how would it sound if you deleted that word? Otherwise I like this stanza.
but you can taste
the wormwood
bitterness of her days,
the sweet spices spilled
irretrievably amid grains
of sand, the bloodline all
poured out like anointing
oils from a ewer, all lost
irrevocably amid the crude.
I’m missing who she is defying here:
She defies
the wagging fingers,
the unveiled curses
I like the way you wrapped this up…very nice. However, do you want to use Koran, or Qur’an, since she is reciting? I know, pretty minor, but it caught my eye for some reason.
…her thin hands resolutely
twining and untwining,
playing hide and seek
among the clove
and ginger, weaving
through the family
tapestry, reciting Koran
under her breath.
Nice job, I recommend doing something with it.
-Steve
Hi Steve, Thanks so much for your comments. Helpful as always. I did make a few small changes, (I got rid of ginger at the end, I knew it wasn't the right spice but I couldn't think of the right one at first) and you were absolutely right about Koran/Qur'an. That was an awful mistake on my part. Much obliged.
I dunno about the lines, "You can't scent/death in the desert..." I rather like those two for some reason. I may find after I mull them over that I could have done better.
Wormwood is in there for a good many reasons though I know it is not an attractive sounding word. Still it has a long history and it fits nicely with a lot of ideas I wanted to wedge into this. I dunno if you're familiar with this plant, but among other things, it's become synonymous with bitterness. Especially the bitterness of retribution (biblical) and also the bitterness of the cure because it was a medicinal plant to the ancient middle easterners. They used it to "cure" worms among other things hence its name. Finally there is the apocalyptic connection, the star John calls "Wormwood" in Revelations that is supposed to fall into the ocean turning a third of the waters on earth so bitter they are no longer drinkable.
As for the ending, I was thinking with the mention of Qur'an it would be understood who I was talking about with the curses and such and the use of the word "unveiled". She's braiding other girl's and women's hair on the street corner. A definite no no now in Iraq. Maybe I need to make it a little sharper. I'll think it over. Thanks again.
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