Dreaming daily,
I sit outside on open windowsill,
watching the stars race by -
a twinkle here, a playful wink.
Comets dart with tails of fire.
To think sailors sat and watched a
thousand miles away, the same vast sky
being their compass, a million eyes
lighting the way.
2 comments:
I like this, Tiger. It has stars in it, what's not to like, right? LOL
I might quibble about "watching stars race by" because from our vantage here on earth they seem to move so slowly...
"Comets dart with tails of fire."
Nice. :)
I thought, "To think sailors" seemed a bit flat and also a little awkward though. Maybe try something like:
Pondering nightly,
I think how sailors watched...
That way the stanza is parallel with the first and the first is very nice, by the way. Thanks for this. :)
thanks for the help with this one, hopefully I can edit it based on your advice.
Fingers crossed I will comment more in '07. Cheers!
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