Okay, one more that I should have posted here a couple of months ago. Sorry it's late but maybe you'll still find it interesting. Thanks for taking a look.
We wait in the terminal
quietly near the cool tiled
walls surreptitiously
deciphering the gin
blossoms growing
up around Miami
and DC, overrunning
NYC, obscuring LA. May reds
twined through December
blacks, denim blue as poet’s
ink raw under quavering
fluorescence—
some boundary markers,
declarations of love
and hate, digits metaphorical
or obscured, Jesus saves but the end
is come, and there’s a girl in 12C
who wants to be my friend—
Still, I am just
waiting on Christmas,
all of us here were
schooled to believe
good things come
eventually as Christmas will
save us, God rest ye merry,
and maybe offer a pass
before another snow laced
with diesel and exhaust.
1 comment:
brrr... Ok so I know I have been slow commenting on this one. It has a nice slow tempo which adds to the depressing nature of winter and indeed for some Christmas.
gin
blossoms growing
up around Miami
and DC, overrunning
NYC, obscuring LA.
I wasn't too sure what you meant by the gin blossoms but I think whatever it was it obscured the flight timetables - am I right about this? That the blossoms - perhaps found on a tree were hiding the cities. Anyways enough of that it just confused me a little.
I do like your use of colour - the positioning of the different seasons - the conflicting: May reds
twined through December
blacks,
This adds to the tension and the conflict of happiness and depression. I really seem to go along with the first stanza though the part about a girl wanting to be your friend seems to have gone in a different direction. I know this shows that you are waiting and that in certain situations people want to talk to you but you can't really be bothered to make conversation because you are really are somewhere else.
Overall a good read and i liked the tired lazy sort of feeling that I get when I read it - like the waiting is really forever.
Cheers for this.
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