Poetry is the original soul food.
It need not rhyme nor even march in time.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Mechanic
Let me tell you about that stooped old man; mechanic all his days. Dirty rag in one pocket, socket wrench in another…makes you wonder what he sees, squinting into the innards of technology and puts his grimy hand on exactly the problem.
Hi Steve. It took me a while to get to this because of very poor internet. Anyways I like this one, nice and short and yet so descriptive. Very well done. Reminds a lot of the blacksmith in Seamus Heaney's work. Thanks for this.
One thing I noticed was the last line: 'on exactly the problem.' The word exactly doesn't seem to work for me. Perhaps getting rid of it and just having it read: 'on the problem.' The way you have it now seems to be a little long and doesn't read very cleanly. Anyways other than that it seems to work very fine indeed. Cheers for this ;)
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1 comment:
Hi Steve. It took me a while to get to this because of very poor internet. Anyways I like this one, nice and short and yet so descriptive. Very well done. Reminds a lot of the blacksmith in Seamus Heaney's work. Thanks for this.
One thing I noticed was the last line: 'on exactly the problem.' The word exactly doesn't seem to work for me. Perhaps getting rid of it and just having it read: 'on the problem.' The way you have it now seems to be a little long and doesn't read very cleanly. Anyways other than that it seems to work very fine indeed. Cheers for this ;)
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