Poetry is the original soul food.
It need not rhyme nor even march in time.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Lives
We write another page over the sound of traffic over the blare of noise and cruise late in night our frozen eyes, splashing sunlight through an open window.
I read this one through several times and each time got a little more out of it.
The 2nd and3rd lines seem similar though...could just be me. All and all I think it is beautiful work. I like the metaphor of writing another page as a day in the life and “..late at night our frozen eyes…” very nice.
Just had a question about repeating the word "over" in the second and third lines. I can't see a reason for this but I could well be missing something. If there was no reason maybe just a synonym for one would do the trick, how about "above" or similar?
Thanks, man. You've been giving me lots of smiles of late! :D
i don't have that much to say in the way of helpful comments on this one. i only wanted to put in my two cents about the second and third lines...i personally like the repeating of "over" and the similarities...i think that it makes the poem flow really nicely. just my opinion!
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3 comments:
Tiger,
I read this one through several times and each time got a little more out of it.
The 2nd and3rd lines seem similar though...could just be me.
All and all I think it is beautiful work. I like the metaphor of writing another page as a day in the life and “..late at night our frozen eyes…” very nice.
Thanks for posting it.
Vintage Tiger work. :D
Just had a question about repeating the word "over" in the second and third lines. I can't see a reason for this but I could well be missing something. If there was no reason maybe just a synonym for one would do the trick, how about "above" or similar?
Thanks, man. You've been giving me lots of smiles of late! :D
i don't have that much to say in the way of helpful comments on this one. i only wanted to put in my two cents about the second and third lines...i personally like the repeating of "over" and the similarities...i think that it makes the poem flow really nicely. just my opinion!
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