this is very classic tiger, in my opinion. i like how incredibly lean the word amount is...as usual. i really enjoyed the sensory impression of "Taste of road, thick/valley of tar". the only part that bothered me was the punctuation in the fourth and fifth lines...i wasn't sure about the dash or the comma. i felt a little to interrupted. i'm sure that's what you were going for, but i felt that it unsettled the poem too much and that could have been done with the words--especially by someone who has such excellent control over their words like you do. but that's just my opinion, feel free to disregard. nice work!
Thanks steve, I use a different browser so the HTML problem didn't pick up. I've been having a lot of trouble with the format on blogspot, in particular the spacing. Anyways. LO I see what you mean with the commas and the dash, actually I didn't want to use them at all, though, something in the back of my head was saying that I needed them. I think because of the shortness of the piece it really doesn't need more punctuation. That's my excuse! Thanks to the both of you for looking. Cheers.
Wow. Classic Tiger indeed. Nice stuff. I love the way you mess with your images, man. Sharp like a photograph then twisting them around so you give the reader a surprising perspective. Outstanding. Thanks!
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4 comments:
Tiger it looks like some of the HTML didn’t translate.
This nicely conveys chaos, followed by a peace. And all with very few words. I don’t know what else I can say. I love the ending…wraps it up nicely.
Thanks for a good read.
this is very classic tiger, in my opinion. i like how incredibly lean the word amount is...as usual. i really enjoyed the sensory impression of "Taste of road, thick/valley of tar". the only part that bothered me was the punctuation in the fourth and fifth lines...i wasn't sure about the dash or the comma. i felt a little to interrupted. i'm sure that's what you were going for, but i felt that it unsettled the poem too much and that could have been done with the words--especially by someone who has such excellent control over their words like you do. but that's just my opinion, feel free to disregard. nice work!
Thanks steve, I use a different browser so the HTML problem didn't pick up. I've been having a lot of trouble with the format on blogspot, in particular the spacing. Anyways. LO I see what you mean with the commas and the dash, actually I didn't want to use them at all, though, something in the back of my head was saying that I needed them. I think because of the shortness of the piece it really doesn't need more punctuation. That's my excuse! Thanks to the both of you for looking. Cheers.
Wow. Classic Tiger indeed. Nice stuff. I love the way you mess with your images, man. Sharp like a photograph then twisting them around so you give the reader a surprising perspective. Outstanding. Thanks!
PS
black wall reserved for angels.
I love that. Really fine stuff.
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