thanks for your comment, I do agree with you it ended abruptly and really the last line doesn't really belong. I think it is on of my cop-out lines. :) Cheers for looking.
tiger, i liked this poem...the only thing that really hung me up was the first line of the second stanza--i personally would divide it into two lines, so it reads "holed up the quiet widow/peers out of [the] house" but hey, its your call, you're a much better poet than i am. also, i was kind of wondering if you needed to use the word "house". it felt just a little--off somehow, i dunno. LOL i'm not very articulate, please excuse!! but thanks for this poem!
thanks for the comments. I may just loose the word 'house'.
Alaska Steve, this poem wasn't a part of a longer piece though it may hint on similar themes as some of my other poems, or have the same mood, or imagery as some of my other pieces.
Once again thanks for all your comments. Much appreciated. Now I really need to go and edit this piece.
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6 comments:
Tiger, I like this right up until the last line. I smell a cheap way out of it. :)
You can do better I suspect. Cheers!
thanks for your comment, I do agree with you it ended abruptly and really the last line doesn't really belong. I think it is on of my cop-out lines. :) Cheers for looking.
Tiger,
I like the comparison between the cold and snow seeping down into the earth and the widow “holed up” in her house.
This is nice.
-Steve
tiger, i liked this poem...the only thing that really hung me up was the first line of the second stanza--i personally would divide it into two lines, so it reads "holed up the quiet widow/peers out of [the] house" but hey, its your call, you're a much better poet than i am. also, i was kind of wondering if you needed to use the word "house". it felt just a little--off somehow, i dunno. LOL i'm not very articulate, please excuse!! but thanks for this poem!
Tiger, I'd drop "of house" from the end of "widow peers out".
Is this a shorter version of a previous poem? I seem to remember this theme. This is MUCH better.
thanks for the comments. I may just loose the word 'house'.
Alaska Steve, this poem wasn't a part of a longer piece though it may hint on similar themes as some of my other poems, or have the same mood, or imagery as some of my other pieces.
Once again thanks for all your comments. Much appreciated. Now I really need to go and edit this piece.
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