I lie awake
and gaze at stars
so far away yet they wink at me
splash a little twinkle in my eye,
what sunshine stars contain,
the moon shines silver, full and bright,
the hills of spring daffodil.
And I dream, ice cream thoughts
as the weather winters and dark doomsday clouds
blanket me, frosting my dreams, sending me
deep down into hibernation.
1 comment:
Hi Tiger, good to see you posting here again. There's good stuff in this one but I found there were some awkward moments too.
"so far away yet they wink at me
splash a little twinkle in my eye"
the lack of transition between these two lines is one of those spots for me. Could be taken care of with punctuation but I sense there maybe something missing.
I liked, "what sunshine stars contain" nice bit of wordplay but then you follow with "the moon shines silver..." and I was expecting the wordplay to carry on there but alas, it does not.
The word "doomsday" seems too heavy for this poem as does "hibernation". Maybe it's just me.
Welcome back. Missed your stuff. :)
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