Will you come to me,
to this God forsaken region
where Jesus is a principle
business, bought and sold
for a tithe. Will you come
even if summer holds us here
as heavy and sticky as sorghum
that they strip and press just
down the road.
It isn't a question
really, only a wish,
only dreaming but I wake–
to being here where souls
are siphoned under sultry
July skies, even the fireflies
flashing electric green
in the grass, they do not
escape. They burn
their passions and drop
dismally on my doorstep.
5 comments:
There are really powerful images here. I was particularly struck by
'where souls are siphoned under sultry July skies" Wow.
I'm still not sure what it all means. I don't know if I just have to read it more often or if the confusion is in the poem.
A few thoughts
-In the line above, I think the rhythm would be better if it were "August skies" "July" (at leas the way I say it) has the emphasis on the second syllable which interrupts the flow for me.
There is a certain irony in God being the principle business in a God forsaken region, so I'm uncertain on my initial reaction that saying 'God' twice in two lines bothered me. What if the second time you substituted "Jesus". (My assumption is that's the God you mean.)
I'd put a 'the' in front of sorghum
I guess my confusion is over what the key theme of the poem is. The images are powerful, but how do they all come together.
-We have the issue of God being business
-Summer heat (hell?)
-processing the sorghum (is this like siphoning off souls?)
-the dream
-the fireflies - is the image of them burning their passions (I don't really think of fireflies as being passionate) and dropping on the doorstep. I assume this is the metaphor for the key theme of the poem, which would seem like (because it has the most significance) the siphoned souls. But how do the souls relate to wanting you to come to me? the business of God?
So all those questions just mean that the images of the poem grabbed me and pulled me in and I want to know. So you've got the hardest part of the poem done.
Steve
Hey Steve, thanks for the comments on this one. Your suggestion that I should substitute Jesus for God was perfect. That's exactly right.
I picked July because it's the muggiest and hottest month here in the deep south. It also echoes the sound of skies that comes next. July is unbearably oppressive in Alabama. You can't imagine how bad quite likely and we do refer to this place as East Hades, well, some of us do.
I don't know what they're like in Alaska but fireflies are very passionate here in Alabama in June and July. They're super busy mating then and adding a magical quality to our nights. Somewhat makes up for the days.
Seems to me that you read this pretty well. I intended a little bit of ambiguity in this but also I suspect it might help if you were southern. Any southerners want to weight in n this one? :)
I wish I had commented sooner on this one just so I could say,
"This is screaming bible thumping, soul collecting, Jesus networking South to me, pb."
It was right on with the Jesus business, the suffocating humidity of July and the passion, whether it's the fireflies or the natives, on those steamy, summer nights.
Well done!
I like it, though there is something about God being on one line and Jesus on the next that sort of throws things off for me. Is God and Jesus the same one, or different, or is it just a substitute. Don't know.
Some great images there, but at times it seems to be lacking a definete theme or something to really grasp onto.
Cheers for this.
Hmmm. Not too sure what to add here.
The first stanza sounds angry while the second grabs me as resignation. I like the second better and wonder if the first should be toned down slightly. To me they seem to conflict a bit much.
I read the theme as stated: you are in a place you don’t wish to be, perhaps even loathe, and long for the one you left behind…ok, so I’m a simple man : )
I’ll be spending the month of June in Alabama. I just spent January and February in Marquette. The timing of my travels is ass backward.
Good poem, I enjoyed it.
- Steve
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