I’ve been watching
its struggle
day by day
between unyielding wall
and the man-made
stone. First the defiant
head raised then
two clutched fists
of green unfurling
like two green flags
announcing victory
however temporary.
The small silent thing
has no voice but green,
cannot protest
the gardener’s presence,
the hoe, or slower liquid
deaths. Questions arise–
Why we all fight
for life. How easily
we kill.
2 comments:
As Alaskan green is bursting out of the soil almost at time-lapse photo speed, I can relate to this poem well.
I had a problem the first several times I read this. Yes, I know I should have been more careful, but perhaps there is something you can do to make it less likely that others fall into the same trap.
I grouped "struggle between unyielding wall and the man-made stone." I was trying to figure out why the wall would struggle against the stone. It wasn't until I got to 'fists of green' that I understood who was struggling. I still don't have a clear picture of between the stone and wall. Maybe the plant is pushing up between the concrete sidewalk and a wall.
I think I'd start with the main character (the plant). The poem is short enough, he shouldn't have to wait for the other characters to be introduced first.
I'm assuming this is a dandelion since they are so prolific and grow thru any crack.
I realize the plant is a metaphor, but since the gardener is in the metaphor too, the last three lines don't quite work for me. In the main part, it is the plant that struggles and faces death. The human gardener brings it. But in the last three lines, it appears humans take on both the plant part and the gardener part. I think I'd end it:
Why we all fight
for life. How easily
we are killed.
alt:
we die.
I don't think most people kill easily (well weeds,yes, but not other humans.)
Just my thoughts. Glad there's some action here again. I guess with classes over all the people writing for class are taking a well deserved break.
I think it's supposed to mean how easily we are hurt, like dying inside.
Ok, honestly you have something there but it really needs to be re-written for it to be clearer.
Thanks for this.
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