from Star Sequence
I am fairly sure most of you have read this one and probably commented on it to at some point but I did want whatever feedback I can get on all of the Star Sequence pieces so here it is again.
Thanks to all of you who have been helping me so much with these and my other pieces. I really appreciate your insights. I was a bit curious about why no many have commented yet on Hauntings. I know that one has problem and is quite rough, but I was really hoping for some help with that one. I'm afraid of butchering it if I do the editing myself. LOL Thanks again!
An image to keep with you
in the bare spare times
under foreign stars coldly spread
across the darkening twilight:
the remains of your boyhood
rifle gently nestled in the forked trunk
of the wild apple tree in spring,
limbs brushing the sweet
earth with bushels of snow
white blossoms, branches breached
in a sweeping arc on the north side
framing the great bear
lumbering softly home.
3 comments:
PB, I remember this one from SSG. I liked it then and still do.
I wonder about this line though “the remains of your boyhood
rifle gently nestled in the forked trunk “ I’m afraid I don’t really understand why it is the remains of the boyhood rifle and not just the rifle. Unless it is the image that remains (?) or the remnants of something…not sure.
Thanks for posting it again.
-Steve
Thanks for the comment, Steve. I remember your comment on this one at SSG. You're reaction was pretty much what I hope this one would evoke so I think you do get this. As for the word remains, I truly meant all of it's various meanings and idiomatic usages. There are quite a few of them. My idea with that phrasing was to get this piece to work on loads of different levels, even the archaeological sense. Much obliged.
PB, I liked the imagery. I don't have much to criticize here. I don't know how much work Star Sequence really needs--might be time to start looking for a publisher.
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