With a week I could have made you a memory.
Hell, with a week, I could read five books,
find a job, make a million in the stock market,
bring democracy to China,
wash your scent from my sheets.
Someone would ask me where you were
and I'd brush the question from the air,
mutter some vague pronouncement
about celestial bodies out of line.
You didn't have the decency
to give me even a day.
And for that, I thank God.
3 comments:
I like this one. Can't say I'd change much about it. Actually, it reminds me of a Barenaked Ladies song lyric. I happen to like their stuff very much so this would be a compliment. :)
Only thing is, those last three lines bug me for some reason. I think perhaps they seem a little out of sync with the rest. Or maybe it's just me. Thanks, Sam.
Yeah, I also like this one.
I got a little hung up on this line
“and I'd brush the question from the air,”
I think because it seems somewhat softer than the rest of the piece, but I’m not really sure that I’d change it either…it is a good line.
I cant say whether the ending is out of sync or not. Depends on how I read it. I’d keep it though; it wrapped it up nice and made me laugh.
Nice job Sam.
-Steve
Hi Sam,
I love that 5th line all by itself. It's just--bamm!!!! I also suggest playing around with the final stanza. Not with the idea that's there, but with the rhythm perhaps.
Anyway, great job. I'm sure everyone can relate!
Gina
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