from Star Sequence
Retooled this a bit after all of your comments. Hopefully it is a bit more readable now. Thanks!
I.
While looking
into the ambiguous
figures of a cipher
he cannot quite solve,
one day the physicist
may discover an answer,
a reality beyond
the present one.
While taking the true
measure of the collected
digits, the sum weight
of the variables,
he may find
an inequality
between the fractions
and the whole.
II.
While attempting to prove
the existence one night
of some exotic particle,
he may discover
as he gazes
into the private life
of a black hole
or neutron star
the darkest secret
of our race
is the illusory
nature of reality.
III.
He could go on dreaming
with those who fabricate the precise
measures of science.
Those who say history
began in a blink
from a single particle,
less than a nothing,
and from nothing
came all that we are
and all that ever was.
Or turn away
from certainty
the solid earth beneath
and follow another
ethereal path with those
who dream
the blistering
litanies of religion,
who cling to an equally
solid Almighty
who took seven days
to do as much.
IV.
What if
he still sees
the flaws
in their communal
dream, the crack
in the cosmic mirror?
Perhaps he will
turn to the wild
places and hear
the heartbeat of stones,
the dry thirst of rivers,
the improbable flight
of the humming bird
and cease waiting
for reasons
to appear for all
that is or ever was.
Perhaps he will
find peace
and a new dream
of the universe,
one that does not
require a handful
of numbers and dust
to support
the unreasonable
twirl of galaxies
around a theoretical
event horizon,
black hole of the soul.
Possibly a penchant
for daydreaming
has caused this fault, this lack
of lucidity that some would call
insanity. Maybe too much time
lost in tracing the fractures
of granite or collecting one too many
fossil vertebrae, preserved in silica,
too many nights stargazing rather than
learning to work arcane equations properly,
too much history of failing to follow order
until human reason fails
to inform his mind as it does others.
As the clouds of a nebula
explode into the new life
of a star, he may see
the super reality
of physics, the fantasia waltz
that weaves the fabric of everything–
this dream of life, thick as basalt
but infinitely more brittle–
this child of the ocean will hear
what the thunder says
and know an answer.
5 comments:
I avoided this one for a long time because of its length. It is very long for me. Perhaps you could break it into numbered parts. At times some of the stanzas could almost be broken into individual poems.
There is some good imagery, regardless of the length. Thanks for sharing this.
I would recommend getting rid of the first stanza altogether.
Thanks for taking the time to look this one over, Tiger. I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to break this one into sections. It seems so obvious now that you've said it. LOL Good idea. I'll work on that.
As for the first stanza, I suspect that beginning with "One day" is part of the problem. After looking it over several times, that's the thing that sticks out most for me. I'll work on it because I think there's an idea in there I'd like to salvage. All good comments as usual. Thanks, Tiger.
As beautiful as this is it does seem long and filled with so many images that it is very hard to get the feel of the over all piece. but that's just me. I see three poems in this one piece and thats just on one read. It is a lovely piece.
I do think that if you take the guts of each stanza and look at what you have then put them together and see what you want to add and what is really not helping the piece.
In landscaping when too much of a good thing is added, rock for example, the landscaping becomes busy and because of that the eye tends to move away from it and you miss all the lovely leaf and flower textures and colors. I think its the same in poetry, too much imagry takes away from the whole.
this is a great piece to work with, and if you did nothing it would still be a worthwhile read.
thanks for sharing
I do think the first stanza needs to change, at least the lead in: 'It may one day be discovered'
something like that, shorten and simplify the first part anyway...hope this makes sense, I'm bushwacked.
I love the overall idea here. I can see why it comes towards the end of Star Sequence...
I agree that it is a bit long and has a few too many images--although I love the imagery. I think I like your idea of salvaging what you need to from the first stanza, as I know the seed in there is very important.
I love the last stanza.
P.B.,
Every time I read this, I see so much more, and this time I REALLY saw more. It's a very clever, intelligent look at VERY BIG ideas.
I think breaking up the poem with numbers helps a lot. I feel like I can take a breath and move from one thought to the next. I can tell you played with some of the language, but without going into details and comparing closely to an earlier version, I can say that this time around reading it, I was mesmerized. I think this is done!
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