We queued at the check-in desk
staring at the arrivals
and destination panels
hearing a doomed overhead
voice booming out cancellations.
We counted the hours and
watched passer-bys, collect bags
and ghost towards exits, with
faces well worn, leaving us
alone in the haunted halls
with nothing but news updates
to pin on our hopes of home.
3 comments:
Hey Tiger,
Got hung up here on the “doomed” overhead voice.
“…doomed overhead
voice booming out cancellations”
I think I know why you used that word as the person is “booming out cancellations” but I get a little tongue tied with it. Might just be me.
This is nice.
“..and ghost towards exits, with
faces well worn, leaving us
alone in the haunted halls
with nothing but news updates
to pin on our hopes of home.”
I’d leave it as is.
Steve
Hi Steve. Thanks for the comment. I see where you are coming from. The words "doomed" and "booming" are perhaps a little too harsh or loud sounding. I am also thinking of working on the tense maybe a present tense will help give it more urgency. Thanks for looking.
Ditto what Steve had to say. This one caught in my throat as I read through. Wonderful work, my friend. :D
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