It was my birthday yesterday
standing before the cake a sentinel on duty before the fire.
I never missed you, even as the wisp of your presence clung to my side,
and the sword portioned out the spongy cake into a grid
of equitable charity.
Torn paper heaped on floorboards amidst soiled
tumbleweeds of bright colors, I muted the howling of children,
I never missed you, even as I watched the paper waft with your breeze,
you traced my steps of childhood to that day unlike
any other in the year.
Our family bloomed strong, rising warty
and crooked with the lack of you, an absent cornerstone of memories.
I never missed you, even as I grew, cresting with the upsweep of time
and you stepped in beat to mine
a second heart.
I never missed you, my second heart shadowing
my own, missed only when it cannot be heard.
I never missed you, your heart never stopped.
3 comments:
Wow, this is good. The only thing that stuck out at me is the ending. That last stanza just doesn’t bear : ) the same richness as the rest of the piece. Other than that I would leave it alone.
Nice work, I like it.
Thanks for the comments, Steve. This is just a first draft, but I wanted to see what kind of energy it generated. Glad you liked it.
Well done! Very poetic and visual. The only thing that bothered me a bit was the last stanza and how it seems to have conflicting tenses.
Perhaps it could do with a little bit of a re-shape, like structuring the lines and stanzas a little bit more to give it more shape and depth.
I liked it. A powerful bit of work. Thanks for this ;)
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